How the Grinch Stole Breastfeeding
This parody is attributed to Chuck Dufano, WIC Breastfeeding Coordinator with the Johnson County Health Department, Iowa City, Iowa, with thanks to Dr. Seuss. Special thanks to the Triangle Breastfeeding Alliance for bringing it to my attention today!
Every Who down in Who-ville liked breastfeeding a lot
But the Grinch,
Who lived just north of Who-ville,
The Grinch hated breastfeeding — no matter what season,
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be, he thought, there wasn’t enough nourishment.
It could be, perhaps, to see it caused him embarrassment.
But I think that the most likely reason above others
Was he thought the Who-kids would love only their mothers.
And the more the Grinch thought all about breastfeeding
The more the Grinch thought, “I must stop this whole thing!
Why for fifty three years I’ve put up with it. Now,
I must stop these Who-kids from breastfeeding…but how?”
Then he got an idea.
An awful idea!
Got a wonderful, awful idea!
“I know just what to do!” the Grinch laughed in his throat.
And made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And he grabbed a big briefcase with great Grinchy pep.
“In this get-up I look like a formula rep!”
All the Whos were dreaming sweet dreams without care
When he came to the first little house on the square.
He climbed down the chimney while the Whos still slept
Then off to the nursery on his belly he crept.
He took all the bra pads and breast shells.
He took all the bags for expressed milk as well
He took the diaper log and breastfeeding diary
He took the La Leche League book from the library.
In their place he put powdered Enfamil cans
And Prosobee concentrate for soy-formula fans.
Next to it all with a great heavy lug
He placed a gallon store-bought filtered water jug.
“And NOW,” grinned the Grinch, “the last thing to dump
Is the electric double breastfeeding pump!”
And the Grinch grabbed the pump, and he started to shove.
When he heard the small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast and saw a small Who.
Little Cindy-Lou Who, who was not more than two.
She stared at the Grinch and said “Santy Claus, why,
Why are you taking our breastpump, why?”
But you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
“Why my sweet little tot,” the fake Santy Claus lied,
“There’s something wrong with the wiring inside.
So I’m taking it home to my workshop, my dear,
I’ll fix it up there. Then I’ll bring it back here.”
But Cindy-Lou Who started to fret.
“Oh, my Daddy’s going to be awfully upset!
He feeds baby mommy’s milk when she is away,
He does this at least two or three times every day!”
“You mean your Daddy can feed baby breastmilk?”
The Grinch asked Cindy-Lou.
“Oh, yes,” she replied,
And he changes diapers, too!
He gives the baby a bath and they play peek-a-boo.
When mommy’s nursing he brings her a cup of water or two!”
Now the Grinch stood puzzling and puzzling ’til his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before.
“Maybe breastfeeding,” he thought, shouldn’t make me moan.
“Maybe breastfeeding…perhaps…isn’t mother’s job alone!”
And now that his heart was no longer bitter
He became the official Who-baby sitter.
And to all those who listened to his heeding
The Grinch encouraged breastfeeding!